There was a time that I vowed to say yes to every opportunity I was offered.
I told myself for a year I would just say yes, and deal with it afterwards...and Why?
Because I didn’t like the fact that my own anxieties were starting to stand in between me and my goals. I could see life passing me by and those musical jobs & roles speeding past with others taking them. I hated it. I felt so utterly frustrated with myself that my own self doubt was screwing things up, and worst of all I was responsible for it. I couldn’t blame it on anyone else or make excuses even when I wanted to.
This is a true anecdote. I said yes to everything that was professionally asked of me for an entire year.
What do you feel would happen if you said yes to every opportunity for a year? It’s utter madness and I wouldn’t recommend doing it forever as a life choice, but what if we bring it to a more sensible level? What if you said yes to every opportunity that came in for a month, or a week?
What if this is your new mantra?
“Next week, any opportunity that presents itself I’ll go for it without any expectations. I’ll put myself out there - and on top of that… any opportunity that is offered I MUST say yes”
You could have just made a promise to yourself to explore all the things you could miss out on for whatever reasons… because you are anxious, you are tired, you are stressed out...the list of excuses goes on.
As a creative individual you are likely to feel all those things for a majority of the time because our quick thinking brains have too many ideas at once with too many pressures. We can overload ourselves with all the things we would like to create or achieve….and then overload ourselves a bit more with all the things we haven’t done.
The excuses that we (by nature, me included) find and use to not get things done are not really good enough. And deep down when we say we can’t do something, we probably could.
It’s more we don’t want to, rather than can’t.
Over half the people who read this won’t like that statement …it is true, some people have real problems, we all do at some point in life.
But this industry stops for no man. So you either say ‘it’s not for me’ or ‘here I go!’ - either answer is fine.
Opting in or out is a choice. There is someone in the wings waiting to step in to fill the gap.
The industry is one where sometimes you must shock your body into doing things & push your creative and energetic capacities because I can tell you one thing for free - If you are comfortable, you are being swallowed up. In the music, entertainment and creative industries no excuses are good enough. And that is something I realised, not too late in my career but still over halfway through.
I had to stop making excuses based on previous experiences and learnt behaviour. I was making excuses to protect myself from the disappointment I felt from situations and the people that let me down alongside my own anxiety...and then would add on top any barriers I had made.
I’ll be honest there are plenty of times where I have said “I am not doing this anymore. What a shitty industry full of people out for themselves.”
In my 20’s I was promised the world, I was exploited, I was bullied by managers, I was blackmailed and I even had established songwriters using my work and claiming it as their own….when they had already made a lot of money and I was a nobody (still am, but you know what I mean!)
In my 30’s I was insulted by casting directors who called me obese to my face when I was a size 10 (WTF!). I have been discriminated against and patronised for being a woman in music. I read once in an email that I should simply look pretty and sing the songs, not get involved in ‘serious’ business issues….but then funnily enough my ideas were used and successful….and I STILL shared them with these people because for me it was the ‘right thing to do’.
I look back on all the horrid things and I think one thing…..
I must really love what I do to stick with this.
And this is exactly why I coach people in the industry, so they can deal with these things if and when they arise. I often do it for free because I know what it feels like.
This blog isn't intended to scare anyone away from going into this as a career.
It’s also not a ‘poor me, haven’t I done well’ post because the point is I don’t regret any of these things. I am increasingly proud of what I have achieved. Mainly the things I have not shouted about, the challenges I have dealt with behind the scenes and showing integrity. I am still sensitive and anxious most of the time. I still feel sick at being judged for what I do. But it’s given me a gift from experience and the skills to coach hundreds of people a week which I love equally as much.
This blog is to encourage you that if I can deal with these things, and STILL work in this industry, and STILL put myself out there, and STILL say yes to things, and STILL tell others it’s the best industry to work in in the world….If I can do all that, so can you.
And it starts with saying yes to those things that terrify you…and those things that cause you to feel anxious.
Always look at what’s the worst that will happen. Here are a few examples;
You feel scared to share your music…Some people will like it, some won’t. Promote to the people that like it - you have learnt a quick lesson in who is your target audience.
You are terrified of auditioning …Go, be sick before/after (hopefully not during), hate every minute but know the next time it won’t be as bad. It can only get better, never worse…or actually you might even get that job.
You cringe at sharing your lyrics. All lyrics sound cheesy when spoken. Share them and a co-writer might alter one word that makes all the difference. You might get amazing feedback on how to improve these skills. What is their use on a piece of paper?
You get stage fright?….You feel scared because it’s important to you, because you care. What a wonderful thing! You care so much about what you do and you have pride. It would be more concerning if you weren’t bothered. (like auditioning, it gets easier…see upcoming blog on performance anxiety)
The list of things where we are putting ourselves out on a limb is ongoing. Unless you are facing danger you should always assess what’s the worst that can happen. Usually that worst result is we grow another layer of the required thick skin and we learn something about ourselves or the industry. I would suggest that you reflect on the things you might have strayed away from, and what excuses you tend to lean on or hide behind (It’s ok, we all do it!).
Just an awareness of them will help you clock it next time!
Alternatively, you can take on the ‘yes challenge’ and see what is thrown your way.
If in doubt say yes and your eyes will be opened a lot quicker than covering them and hiding away from the mad world that awaits you. We would love to hear how you get on with saying YES and what experiences follow.
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